you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
