She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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