meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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