so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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