I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
