We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
