I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
