just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
