I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
