before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
