I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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