I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
porn star boner night. come get it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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