I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
