I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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