If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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