i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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