You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
