I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
