My first STD was from a foam party
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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