Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
