Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
