Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
