Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
