for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
