Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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