3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize