I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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