I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
