guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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