I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize