It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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