you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
