U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
