So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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