Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
