I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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