perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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