Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
