I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
