You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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