what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
