It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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