I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
