dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
