I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
