Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
