And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
