Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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