a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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