that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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