Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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