ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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