umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
