They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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