I am spending my child support on dildos
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
