Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
