what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
