He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
