I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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