She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
