I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
