The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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