There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
