I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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