he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
