Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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