Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
