Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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