Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think i got beer on your cat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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