I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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