he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
