Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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