I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you would pick up someone in the library
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
