My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize