Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
