Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
