You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
