The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have tasted many bathrooms
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
