Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
