Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it because I queefed?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
