Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
a search helicopter?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
