At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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