We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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