he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
