my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
