sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
