It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize