God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
