I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
