i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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