awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
