You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
