my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
