i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
