She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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