He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
