So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
