he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
