glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't put those talents on a resume
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i need some magic done to my vagina
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
