I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
