I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
