some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
